Electric Blue: It Is Something I Wish To Forget, But You Will Not Allow Me Too.

Amae
3 min readJul 31, 2024

Please approach with caution; there is anger expressed here in these words. The arguments I know are complex. I am conscious of this and try to avoid drifting into fetishising the very thing I seek to critique. These words are not meant to promote the fetishisation of gay black men. They express real anger and pain at elements of the psychiatric profession and gay culture.

The archetypal poster boy image of the classical Greek and Roman young man (muscular, blond hair and blue eyes) is set against the backdrop of the electric black noise. Image Generated by AI.

I cannot start the healing process until you acknowledge who I am as a person,
I am not some abstract concept written about and divorced from my everyday experience; I navigate toxic environments. They dehumanise me. They try to bleach my soul. This has left me constantly policing my emotions and feelings. This is why I am illing. I every day live false selves. I adopt personas to minimise the felt hurt. I am devouring myself from the inside out.

I am black; my days are nights,
I become visible in the dark and invisible in the light

Erasure: my soul, you seek to erase and replace with your academic concepts.
It is endemic to a process that aims to dehumanise my soul.

I am gay,
For me, Gay is synonymous, diachronic and synchronic with white supremacy,
To many gays aspire to The Normalcy…

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Amae
Amae

Written by Amae

Interested in people, nature, science and technology, and history. MSc in Research Methods (Birkbeck), MA Industrial Design (UAL)